Frisky Gundams
by Kaosu Buraindo
Summary: Wufei and Duo fight about kawaiiness, starting a whole chain of events that lead to Heero and Trowa going nuts, and the gundams getting freaky with each other. Wahahaha.


  
  


**Frisky Gundams**

  
  
Warnings: implied 1x2+5, 3X4. Kinky Gundam Sex. Umm...swearing. Just a bit ^-^ aaannddd...pointless-ness. S'about it.   
I don't own Gundam Wing. Wahhh...   
  
~*~   
  
"I am SO much more adorable then you!"   
  
"What the hell are you talking about? Look at this picture! I'm the essence of kawaii-ness."   
  
"You're the essence of fruitiness. I'm so much cuter! Look at those eyes! And check this out, I even make a better chibi-neko than you!"   
  
"How DARE you call me fruity! And I look much better as a neko. I'll KILL YOU!"   
  
Duo yelps and hops up onto the dinner table just as Wufei unsheathes his katana and inserts it rather viciously into the chair he was just occupying.   
  
"DUDE, you have a bad temper! You're such a sore loser…"   
  
Wufei snarls and takes another swipe at Duo, only to do more damage to the poor dinner table.   
  
"You know, Quatre's going to kill you for ruining his furniture…"   
  
"SHUT UP!" Wufei snarls as he leaps at Duo and grabs his braid. Duo screams and kicks Wufei in the face.   
  
"Ah! Not the braid! Leggo! Leggoleggoleggo!"   
  
Wufei goes cross-eyed for a second then shakes his head and grins evilly at Duo. "What? Like this?" and pulls on his braid hard. Duo squeaks and grabs his braid, pulling in the opposite direction.   
  
"Damnit, Wufei! Let go of me, you ass!" When Wufei gives no sign of stopping his assault on Duo's precious braid, things get desperate. Duo grabs Wufei's wrist to steady it, then lets out a war cry that's a mixture of a growl and the sound a cat makes when you step on its tail, and sinks his teeth into Wufei's hand.   
  
"ITAI!!! KISAMA!" Wufei shrieks, backhanding Duo across the face and cradling his hand to his chest. "What kind of a man BITES?"   
  
Duo stuffs his braid into the back of his shirt and rubs his cheek. "Jeeze, Wu. Did you have to hit me so hard? I didn't bite you tha-"   
  
Wufei shoves his hand in Duo's face before he can finish. Duo gulps and laughs nervously when he sees the deep teeth marks in Wufei's hand, which by the way are starting to bleed rather nicely.   
  
"Well, that's what you get for grabbing my braid. No one touches my braid but me."   
  
Wufei snorts and puts a band-aid on his hand. "Thanks for the warning, you psychopath." He grumbles, putting yet another band-aid on.   
  
Duo opens his mouth to retort, but Quatre comes careening into the kitchen. He stops in the middle, chest heaving, looking from Wufei to Duo, Duo to Wufei. He has a war helmet on, and a book entitled 'Taming Wild-Rabid Animals for Dummies' in his arms.   
  
"What's going on? Who's fighting who? Remember we're all friends and we love each other!!"   
  
Duo and Wufei blink a few times before exploding.   
  
"He said I was gay-"   
  
"He said he was cuter then me-"   
  
"We were looking at pictures-"   
  
"Do you think he's cuter then me?"   
  
"Don't I make a better Neko??"   
  
"SHUT UP!"   
  
Both boys mouths snap shut, and they stare at Quatre with wide eyes. Duo turns to Wufei and makes the 'coo-coo' sign, then gestures to Quatre. Wufei snickers. Quatre snarls.   
  
"You guys are so damn immature. What the hell do you mean pictures?" Quatre stomps over to the table and snatches a sheet of paper lying there. He holds it up to his face, examines it for a few seconds, than shakes his head. "Did you guys get this off the internet?"   
  
Duo and Wufei nod slowly.   
  
Quatre 'tsk's a few times, than looks at the other pictures. They are all printed off the internet, and are mostly doujinshi pictures of the five gundam pilots as chibi's. "THIS is what you guys were fighting over?"   
  
"Don't I look cuter then Wufei?" Duo asks, bouncing from foot to foot.   
  
"Err…well…"   
  
"He does not! No one makes a cuter chibi then me! (1)"   
  
"Ummm…."   
  
"I make a cuter chibi then you! Your chibi's are just ugly."   
  
"You did NOT just say that!"   
  
"Guys…."   
  
"Yes I did. You make an ugly chibi, while I am utterly adorable. Can't you see it? Look at my cute little eyes…" Duo says, cuddling one of the pictures.   
  
"Guys??"   
  
"Man, are you ever retarded. You must have nothing but air in your head. Anyone with half a brain can see that-"   
  
"GUYS!!"   
  
Both gundam pilots stop trying to slice each others heads off with razor-sharp killer words and turn to stare at Quatre. Quatre waits a few seconds before holding up a piece of paper. It's a picture of him as a chibi, sitting on the grass and sipping tea happily.   
  
"I believe *I* make the cuter chibi."   
  
That started it. The three gundam pilots went into an all-out verbal battle, which soon turned not-so-verbal and more pysical. Bandages were removed (much to Wufei's distress), more bites were given, bitch-slaps were delivered, scratching occurred, and soon it turned into an all-out bitch fight. With men. Yes…makes perfect sense.   
  
"OW! You got my eye! How long are your nails!?"   
  
"It wasn't *me* it was Wufei!"   
  
"Shut up, Maxwell! You're the only one who's been –OUCH! Quatre!"   
  
"Hahaha! Stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it!" (2)   
  
"What!? No one calls me a pipe!" Wufei growls as he grabs a chair and hurls it at Quatre. Quatre, not being the fastest of the bunch reflex-wise, gets nailed with the chair. He squeaks and falls backwards, falling onto the table causing the end of it to fly up. There just HAPPENED to be one of Heero's guns laying on the end of the table, and it gets catapulted into the air, spins around all pretty for a bit, then lands on the floor. Hard. And the safety was off. You do the math.   
  
Duo, Wufei and Quatre freeze when they hear the gunshot. They whip out their guns and go into Gundam Pilot Mode™.   
  
"We're being attacked!"   
  
"OZ! OZ!"   
  
"Get to the gundams! The GUNDAMS!"   
  
While Duo, Quatre and Wufei are running around downstairs like chickens with their heads and one leg cut off, Heero and Trowa are upstairs working on mission reports. They hear the gunshot, hear the warnings of OZ soldiers, dive out the window and head straight for their gundams. They don't even bother to check downstairs. Why should they? Why would trained terrorists call a false alarm? Why indeed…   
  
After a few minutes of screaming, shooting, and crawling, the three gundam pilots find Heero's gun on the floor, which is still smoking from being fired. They look at the gun, than look at each other. They all nod, and Wufei kicks the gun under the counter. No one would know about that little slip.   
  
"That…is embarrassing…"   
  
"Don't worry about it, Wu. No one saw anything. It was just us."   
  
"AHH!!" Quatre screams, hands flying to his head.   
  
"What!? What is it!?" Duo asks, going into Gundam Pilot Mode™ again.   
  
"Trowa and Heero!"   
  
"WHERE??" Duo and Wufei ask, heads whipping in all directions.   
  
"They were upstairs! They probably heard everything!"   
  
Silence.   
  
"Uhh…well…maybe they were sleeping…"   
  
"Duo, Trowa and Heero happen to be the worlds lightest sleepers…"   
  
"Maybe if we leave and come back in like, a day, they'll forget all about it." Quatre suggests.   
  
"Good plan…"   
  
They grab their jackets, keys, and hand guns and walk towards the door. Duo grabs the handle and whips the door open.   
  
"……….AHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Then screams and slams it shut again.   
  
Wufei and Quatre stare at Duo while he hyperventilates. When he's finished, he stands up, dusts off his jacket and clears his throat.   
  
"Trowa and Heero are outside."   
  
"Oh, just per-"   
  
"In their gundams."   
  
Wufei and Quatres' jaws hit the floor with a dull 'thud'. They stare stupidly at Duo for a few seconds before Wufei runs over to the door and wrenches it open. Then slams it shut again.   
  
"Well, that's not very good…"   
  
"Hey! What are you guys talking about? Those people are our friends. All we have to do is explain that…er…well, okay, maybe we can lie a bit. We'll just say that the OZ soldiers who attacked us are dead. Then, having no reason to stay in there, they'll come out. When they are unarmed we can tell them that we 'accidentally' said that we were under attack…"   
  
Duo and Wufei give Quatre a look, than nod. "Whatever. Sounds good. And since it's your plan, you can do it." Duo says, than he and Wufei grab Quatre and toss him out the door to land on Heavyarms' foot. They snicker and watch from the doorway.   
  
Quatre groans and sits up, rubbing his face. "Damn gundaniam…"   
  
"Quatre?"   
  
Quatre leaps off Heavyarms as it starts to move backwards. It stops after a step or two, and Quatre stands in front of it, fiddling with his shirt.   
  
"Quatre? What's going on?" a voice booms from Heavyarms speakers. Quatre sighs and scratches his head.   
  
"Ehe…well, Trowa, you see…we…uh…took care of the soldiers that attacked us. So, you guys can come out now! Nothing needs slaughtering!"   
  
"We can't do that, Quatre."   
  
Quatre turns and stares at Wing Zero. "Hun??"   
  
"When we get into our gundams, we have to kill something. Anything. It's bad luck if we don't."   
  
Quatre gulps loudly and wipes sweat from his brow. "W-well…there's plenty o-of…squirrels…"   
  
"No, Quatre." Trowa says. "It has to be people."   
  
"I've never heard of that superstition!"   
  
"You calling me a liar?" Heero questions, his tone icy.   
  
"No! Of course not! O-oh…look at that…I remember now. Heh…heh…" Quatre gulps again, and takes out a cloth, running it all over his face. He wrings it, and a good liter of water falls out of it.   
  
Wufei and Duo are currently on the floor of their safe-house, praying to whatever gods they can think of. Wufei's list is pretty damn long…   
  
"Well…that's okay…I saw some people in the park who looked…nice…why don't you go kill them?"   
  
"You want me to kill civilians?" Heero growls. Quatre makes a choking sound and tries to remember how to breathe.   
  
"N-no! I mean, yes! Wait! No! Well…you really don't h-have a choice…there are no soldiers around here"   
  
"Oh?"   
  
Quatre goes completely white, and totally forgets how to breathe. Finally, he's able to choke out "Y-you wouldn't!"   
  
Wing Zero springs to life, and Quatre suddenly has a double-beam cannon aimed at his head. Duo and Wufei cover each others mouth before either of them can start screaming. Quatre looks like he's about to faint.   
  
"B-but…but…TROWA!"   
  
"Sorry, Quatre." Trowa says as he points his machine guns at the doorway. Duo and Wufei freeze, hands still on each others mouths. Duo says something that's muffled, and Wufei nods in agreement.   
  
"Wait! Trowa! I…err…love you!"   
  
Duo and Wufei both whip their heads around to stare wide-eyed at Quatre, and Heavyarms gun falters.   
  
"What?"   
  
Quatre tries not to laugh hysterically and continues. "Yes, that's right. I'm madly in love with you. I've always been in love with you." Quatre says as dramatically as he can, and even adds a few tears to complete the look. The sound of Wing Zero's beam cannon powering up can be heard, and Quatre starts to panic. "Trowa! I want to be with you!"   
  
A snort is heard from Wing Zero. "He's just trying to get you to back off."   
  
"I am NOT!"   
  
"Yes you are."   
  
"No I'm not!"   
  
"Are"   
  
"Not!"   
  
"Are"   
  
"Not!"   
  
"Not"   
  
"Are!….HEY!!"   
  
Heero cackles and nudges Heavyarms with Wing Zero. "See?"   
  
"No! He tricked me! Don't listen to him!"   
  
There's silence for a few seconds, then Heavyarms shrugs. "Well, I wasn't aiming at you anyway." And he fires a round of bullets at the house.   
  
Duo and Wufei scream and jump out of the way just as bullets the size of pineapples tear up the floor they were sitting on. Duo dives behind a couch and Wufei jumps into the fridge. Trowa grunts and shoots more, tearing up the walls and the ceiling. "Damnit. Stay still…"   
  
Quatre turns to Heero and tries to con his way out again. "You can't do this! You're only screwing yourself! How are you supposed to win the war with only two gundam pilots!? HUN?"   
  
"I'm a smart guy, I'll manage."   
  
Quatre decided that now would be a really good time to get out of the way, so he dives forward just as Heero decides that now would be a good time to fry Quatre. However, the beam is so big that not only does it destroy half of the house (the half a little too close to Wufei for his liking), but also sends Quatre flying into a tree despite his quick actions. Heero laughs maniacally, and Quatre whimpers.   
  
Meanwhile, Duo and Wufei are trying not to be ripped into tiny little pieces by Trowa's bullets. Duo had to abandon the couch due to lack of couch to hide behind, and is now under Heero's bed. Wufei is still in the fridge, and can no longer feel his toes. Things are not looking good.   
  
"Wufei! We need a plan!" Duo shouts over the sounds of gunfire.   
  
"N-n-no s-shit…" Wufei retorts, teeth chattering.   
  
"We need to get to our gundams! I'd like to see that stupid prick shoot at me when I'm in deathscythe…"   
  
"O-our gundams…a-are…f-far away!"   
  
Duo yelps and covers his head as bullets rain down on the hallway five or six feet away from him. "How far could they be!?"   
  
"M-mine is…a…c-c-couple of k-kilometers…"   
  
"WHAT!? Why the hell did you hide it so far away!?"   
  
"BECAUSE YOU KEPT PAINTING IT PINK!"   
  
"…Oh…right. Heh. Well, mine is one kilometer at the bloody most, so I'm good. I'll get into my gundam and hold them off, while you run your little frozen ass off to get yours. Hopefully, while I'm fighting them, Quatre will be able to get to his. Three against two, we could win them."   
  
"R-right. Now, h-how are y-you planning on g-getting out of t-the house?"   
  
Duo stops and thinks. "Damn. Good point…you could distra-"   
  
"No."   
  
"Oh common ma-"   
  
"No."   
  
Just as Duo was going to start threatening Altron again, Trowa finally hits his mark and the fridge explodes in a shower of bullets and plastic. Wufei runs out of the wreckage shielding himself with a huge piece of meat, and runs towards the other end of the house. Trowa see's a huge piece of bloody meat, scurrying along the floor like there's no tomorrow, grins evilly and fires at it. Wufei yelps and jumps, trying to avoid getting his feet shot off.   
  
Duo grins and runs out from under the bed and sneaks out of the doorway. "Thanks, Wu-man. You're a great distraction!"   
  
Meanwhile, Quatre is having an extremely hard time dodging Heero's beam cannon. So far Heero has taken out half of the block, including half of their safe house, and the nice swimming pool at the side of the house. Quatre has a nice hole burnt into the back of his pants, giving Heero a great view of his behind, which he has been aiming at.   
  
Quatre is currently hiding in a birdhouse in his neighbors lawn. It's one of the only houses left standing. Quatre coughs and spits out feathers. "Damnit, he's roasted everyone on the block and he yells at me for suggesting that he kills civilians. Damn hypo-AHHH!!!" Quatre scurries farther into the birdhouse as he sees WingZero's knee come clear into his line of sight.   
  
"Heeerreee Quatre, Quatre, Quatre…I won't hurt you…I just want to talk about battle strategies."   
  
Quatre choses not to answer, but pray to Allah instead. _please, please, please don't let him kill me. I have so much to live for. A miracle, that's all I ask for. Pleasepleaseplease…_   
  
"AHA! There you are…"   
  
_Thanks…_   
  
"Trapped. Why the hell would you hide somewhere with no way out?"   
  
"I was just a LITTLE panicked!!" Quatre snarls.   
  
"That's no emotion for a gundam pilot to feel, and now you'll pay the price for it. Omae o korosu."   
  
Heero aims the beam cannon at the birdhouse, and Quatre just starts to say his final prayers when Heero snarls and Wing Zero tips over a bit to the side. The beam cannon is hit out of his hand, and the end of a scythe can be seen from the birdhouse.   
  
"DUO! You SAVED me!" Quatre cries, tears forming in his eyes.   
  
Duo cackles as he brings his double scythe down on Wing Zero. Heero brings his arm up and blocks the attack with his shield. Duo grins and pushes forward, causing Heero to back up a few paces. "Why don't you stop picking on unarmed people and fight like a real soldier!" Duo cries, pushing Heero further backwards. Heero smirks and whips out his thermal sword with his other hand, and jabs it at Deathscythe Hell. Duo blocks his attack with his shield, and pushes forward, trying to make Heero backup more. Quatre takes this grand opportunity to scramble out of the birdhouse and run towards his gundam.   
  
Heero grins and pushes down more with his thermal weapon. "This is how I prefer to fight, anyway."   
  
Duo looks at his vidscreen and sees that Quatre is gone. He smiles inwardly and shoves Wing Zero away from him and spins his scythe around. "This should be interesting…"   
  
Meanwhile…   
  
"Why won't you just leave me alone!?" Wufei cries, exasperated.   
  
Trowa stops firing and lowers his machine guns. "Because I'm in the mood to blow something up."   
  
"YOU'VE TURNED THE DAMN HOUSE INTO A SLICE OF SWISS CHEEZE!!!" Wufei screams, jabbing a finger at the nearest wall to emphasize.   
  
Trowa shrugs and raises his machine guns again. "It's not the same. I wasn't aiming at it. Let me shoot you and I'll stop."   
  
"Kiss.My.Ass." Wufei snarls, flipping Trowa the bird. "You call yourself a soldier!? What kind of a battle is this! Let me get into my gundam and I'll show you…"   
  
Trowa narrows his eyes and aims his guns at Wufei. "Bye." Wufei stands his ground and squeezes his eyes shut, wondering what it feels like to be torn apart by giant bullets. But nothing comes. Trowa's guns spin around, but no bullets come out.   
  
"Damnit. I'm out of bullets."   
  
Wufei stares at Trowa for a few seconds, than bursts out laughing. What started out as a nice chuckle soon turns into hysterical laughter. Trowa raises an eyebrow and backs away from Wufei. "Weirdo…"   
  
"My whole damn life…flashed before my eyes…and he runs out of bullets…" Wufei pants, trying his best to stop laughing. "He ALWAYS runs out of bullets…"   
  
Trowa shakes his head at Wufei and turns his gundam around. "I think I'll see what Heero is doing…"   
  
Meanwhile…   
  
"ARG!" Duo cries as his gundam is slammed into a building. He grits his teeth and swings his scythe around, hitting the thermal sword out of Wing Zero's hands. Heero snarls and picks up his beam cannon and fires at Deathscythe Hell. Duo yelps and twirls his gundam around, barley avoiding the blast. "HEY! No beam cannons!"   
  
"All's fair" Heero grunts, shooting at Deathscythe again. Duo squeals and turns his thrusters on, causing Deathscythe to fly into the air above the blast.   
  
"All's fair, hun? Well, you'll soon learn to regret those words, Heero Yuy." Duo cackles and lands Deathscythe. He flicks a few buttons, then flips on him com. "Hey Heeeeerrrrrooooo…."   
  
Heero raises an eyebrow at Deathscythe as he sees it turn around so its back faces him. The gundams arms move to its hips, and it bends over a bit. Heero is totally clueless as to what the hell Duo thinks he's doing. "Err…"   
  
"There's a full moon tonight!" Duo cries, and Deathscythe pulls down its 'pants'. Heero makes a weird gurgling noise when he sees the huge metal butt of Deatscythe. Duo cackles a bit more, and the gundam sways back and forth, shaking its little –err, huge romp.   
  
"Deathscythe sends his love, and asks you to kiss his sweet ass!" Duo laughs. Heero's eyes almost fall out of his face when Deathscythe starts to do some weird kind of dance. The dance includes more butt shaking, some bird flipping, a few twirls, a very nice view of the FRONT of Deathscythe, and more Duo laughing.   
  
Heero is completely frozen at his controls, and Wing Zero's face seems to have turned a very healthy shade of red.   
  
"Wassamatta Heero? Aren't you gonna fight back?"   
  
"He wont, but I sure as hell will."   
  
Both pilots freeze (well, Duo freezes and Heero looks even more surprised, if that's even possible at this point…) when they hear Wing Zero speak. Duo tries to back his gundam up, but it wont budge. "Hey! Deathscythe!"   
  
"Wing…?" Heero questions. The gundam nods his head, and Heero suddenly looks extreamly pissed off. "What the hell!? You can talk!?"   
  
"No shit."   
  
"Then why the hell don't you say anything whenver I talk to you!?"   
  
"Cause you're boring."   
  
Heero sputters for a few seconds before snarling and smacking his controls. "Asshole…"   
  
"Deathscythe! What the hell are you doing? Why won't you respond??" Duo asks no one in particular as he tries to get his gundam to pull up his pants and walk FAR away from Heero's gundam. But no matter what buttons he presses, what gears he shifts, the stupid thing just won't move.   
  
"I'm happy like this, thank you VERY much."   
  
Duo's eyes buldge and he presses himself flat against his chair. "What the!?"   
  
"Surprised?" Deathscythe giggles.   
  
"So you CAN talk! Why don't you ever talk to me…?" Duo asks, sounding hurt.   
  
"Awww, don't be sad. I just felt like you needed someone to listen, not to speak."   
  
"Well…that's true…"   
  
"Besides, you speak enough for the both of us."   
  
Duo narrows his eyes at his gundam. "Smart ass…"   
  
"Hey, Deathscythe…" Wing asks in a voice that's a little too husky for both pilots liking.   
  
"Yeah?" Deathscythe answers seductively.   
  
"You have your pants down as an invitation?"   
  
"Hell yes! Come get some, big boy."   
  
Wing makes some kind of growling sound and pounces Deathscythe. Heero decides that now would be a really good time to abandon ship, and he opens his hatch and jumps out, landing on the grass beside Wing and running like his pants are on fire. Duo is just a little too shocked to think as he watches the two gundams kiss and grope each other. He snaps out of his daze when he sees Heero standing on the grass gesturing for him to get his ass out of his gundam and run like there's no tomorrow.   
  
"Don't have to tell me twice!" Duo cries, slamming his fist on the hatch release button and leaping out of his gundam. He lands a few feet away from Heero and runs up to him. "What the HELL is going on!?"   
  
"It seems to me like our gundams are…making friends…"   
  
Duo and Heero both look back at their gundams slowly. Wing is now positioning himself above Deathscythe, and Deathscythe is making all kinds of strange noises. Both pilots turn away, their faces a nice red shade, and walk stiffly back to what's left of their safehouse.   
  
They stop halfway when they see Heavyarms walking towards them. They wave frantically, yelling for him to stay the hell away from their gundams, but Trowa's a little too high up to hear or see what they're doing. Instead he sees something more interesting. Something along the lines of Kinky Gundam Sex.   
  
Trowa blinks a few times, then looks down at Duo and Heero.   
  
"Your gundams…are…screwing each other silly."   
  
"No shit" Duo deadpans. "And might I suggest that you get the hell out of here before _your_ gundam gets any ideas."   
  
Trowa nods and turns his gundam around, only to come face-to-face with Sandrock. Heavyarms does a weird kind of twitching motion which no one really notices at the sight of the desert gundam.   
  
"What the hell is going on? Why did everyone stop fighting? Holy shit, is Wufei dead!?" Quatre questions when he sees Heavyarms isn't shooting at anything.   
  
"No. I ran out of bullets. He's fine. But…have you noticed that Heero and Duo aren't in their gundams?"   
  
While the two are talking, their gundams have inched closer and closer to each other without anyone noticing.   
  
"Hun?" Quatre looks down and sees the pilots in question sitting on the grass looking scarred. "What happened? Did they blow each others gundams up?"   
  
"Not exactly –GAH!" Trowa isn't able to finish as his gundam suddenly lurches forward. A squeal is heard from Sandrock as Quatre is slammed into his seat when his gundam suddenly tips backwards.   
  
Duo starts snickering and Heero just looks depressed when they see Heavyarms grab Sandrock around the waist and tilt him backwards like the ending of the tango.   
  
"Did anyone ever tell you that you had the most _gorgeous_ eyes?" Heavyarms purrs, stroking Sandrocks head. Trowa starts frantically flicking switches in a sad attempt to get his gundam under control. Quatre is a little too frightened to do anything.   
  
Sandrock giggles and waves a hand at Heavyarms. "Oh, go on!"   
  
"All the gundams have the same color eyes." Duo says flatly.   
  
"What's going on!?" Trowa snarls, slamming his fist into the controls of his gundam.   
  
"Trowa, get out of your gundam. It's going to go NC-17 really fast, and you don't want to be in there when it does." Heero suggests, sitting up. Trowa happily obliges and opens the hatch to his gundam. He jumps up, does a few flips, falls downwards, and lands on the floor in a roll and a cartwheel. Duo and Heero stare at him with sweatdrops forming on their heads.   
  
"Quatre!" Trowa yells. "Get the out of there!"   
  
Quatre mutters something that sounds a lot like 'mommy' and hugs himself. Heero scowls. "He's not coming out…"   
  
"Then I'll go get him." And with that, Trowa runs up to Sandrock, leaps up, does a really fancy backflip and lands on its knee. He runs up to the hatch and presses a button on the side to open it. It hisses open to reveal a very frightened Quatre, who keeps whispering things and rocking back and forth. Trowa scoops him up into his arms and stands up. He stops dead in his tracks when he sees both gundams looking at him strangely.   
  
"Shit…"   
  
"AWWW! Isn't that so cute!?" Sandrock squeals, still holding onto Heavyarms. Heavyarms nods and does something that would probably be a grin if the gundams had mouths.   
  
"What do you say we make like them and get kinky?"   
  
"We are NOT getting kinky!" Trowa yells.   
  
"Like, for sure!" Sandrock replies, and they grab each other and make like monkeys. Trowa gasps as the gundams start moving around, and he tries his best to keep his balance. Lucky for Trowa, the gundams stopped long enough for him to jump off without being tossed fifty feet into the air in the process. He lands next to Heero and Duo, and they both have worried looks on their faces.   
  
"What? What is it?"   
  
"Where is Wufei?" Heero asks.   
  
"Ummm…" Before Trowa can answer, a loud ear-piercing scream is heard from where they last saw Wing and Deathscythe.   
  
"RAHHH! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?"   
  
"Nevermind…"   
  
The four pilots get up and sprint as fast as they can in the direction of the scream. When they get there, they see Wing and Deathscythe closing in on Altron. Altron, however, is not behaving as strangely as the other gundams and looks as terrified as any gundam could ever look.   
  
"Common, Alt-chan. You'll have a blast." Deathscythe coo's, trying to grab the other gundam.   
  
"My gundam does NOT participate in such DEGRATING acts!" Wufei shouts, backing his gundam up more.   
  
"Yeah, leave me the hell alone you FREAKS!" Altron cries, trying to swat them away.   
  
"Try it. We'll give you a great time." Wing purrs. Altron swallos and whips around, running as fast as it's gundaniam legs would let it. Wing and Deathscythe take the opportunity with open arms and tackle Altron to the ground. The gundam and gundam pilot cry out as they hit the ground. Deathscythe and Wing grin as they climb ontop of a struggling Altron.   
  
Wufei groans and rubs his head, wincing. "Today is not my da- HEY!!" Wufei shouts as he sees what's being done to his gundam. The fact that Altron has ceased all struggling doesn't improve Wufei's mood. "GET THE HELL OFF NATAKU!"   
  
"No." both gundams respond at once as they shift positions and hands, causing Altron to moan.   
  
"Wufei!" Duo shouts. "Get out of there!"   
  
"NO! They're defiling my gundam! INJUSTICE!"   
  
"Wufei, you're not going to be able to stop them. They're a good 1000 times your size." Heero says matter-of-factly. Wufei stops, thinks, then snarls loudly and kicks his hatch open. He hops out and stomps over to Heero and Duo, jabbing them each in the chest with his finger.   
  
"Look what your STUPID gundams are doing to Nataku!" Wufei growls.   
  
"'Nataku' doesn't seem to mind." Duo says, waggling his eyebrows. Wufei opens and closes his mouth a few times, then screams and stomps away.   
  
"I wonder…" Duo starts, looking over at Heero. "If we should follow their example?"   
  
Heero stares at Duo for a while, than shrugs. "Okay."   
  
"Wanna go get Wufei?"   
  
"I'll tackle him from behind, and you grab his hands and feet."   
  
"Gotcha." Duo says, and they both turn around and head for the ruined safe house and a very unsuspecting Wufei.   
  
Quatre and Trowa need no encouragement, since they had already started getting freaky as soon as the other pilots had turned their backs.   
  
The End.   
  
(1) –I totally agree ^-^ I Think Wufei makes the most adorable chibi. (2) –That's supposedly a line from Austin Powers in Gold Member. My brother went to see it, and he's been saying that ever since. I kinda like it ^-^ 


End file.
